Making It Harder Than It Needs to Be

Things aren’t going well for me right now. Work is struggling, I don’t feel fulfilled, and I’m finding it hard to cope with even the smallest tasks. I’m making silly mistakes, my concentration is gone, and the quality of my work has hit a real low.

I don't know what I want. I don’t know what my purpose is. I’ve tried different things, made various attempts to change course, yet I always seem to end up back at square one. The only difference is that now I have less time, less energy, fewer resources, and a longer list of failures behind me.

My head was exploding thinking about all of this, feeling the pressure to find a way out, a solution, at all costs. I had to get out.

Fortunately, the kitchen light had burnt out, so I decided it was time to go buy a new one. Not even the cold winter air seemed to help my mood.

But on my way back from the supermarket, I saw a girl. She was walking home listlessly, or so it seemed. I say listless because her backpack was hanging so low on her arms that it was hitting the back of her knees; instead of walking normally, she was swaying from side to side.

I must have done the same thing a thousand times at her age, whenever I didn't want to go home or when I was showing a bit of resistance to what my parents told me to do.

Looking at her, the only thing I could think was: “You’re only making it harder for yourself this way.”

That’s when I had a small realisation. I was doing the exact same thing: I was making things harder than necessary. Regardless of how things are going, I am in this situation. Making everything more complicated, or wasting energy instead of conserving it and using it more wisely, certainly isn't going to help me.

In the end, sometimes you just need to step out for a moment and clear your head to find your focus and calm again.