I'm Three Checks Distant From Any Discussion

We have so many ways to interact with people, everything that has an internet connection has a comment section, or a chat (of course there are even chats but you know what is my point).
And I know for sure that everyone has from time to time fallen into the temptation to answer or participate in discussions and then regret it in 95% of cases (some recent studies suggest even 105%, I'm clearly joking btw).
The big BUT here is that it's not only an online issue, even in real life it's way more difficult to have a peaceful conversation even with someone who is the polar opposite of what you stand for.

So I developed a checklist to help me choose if I wanna participate in a conversation or not. The good news is that you have to start with questions to know better the position of the others so you can always learn or listen to something new.

I will not discuss this with someone who is Functionally Iliterate. This doesn't refer to their ability to read or write (Primary Illiteracy). Still, it refers to someone unable to reach an adequate level of understanding and analysis and reconnect the contents within the framework of a complex discourse.
More deeply, a Functional Illiterate:
  • Is a person who, despite knowing how to read, write and calculate, is not able to fully exploit these skills in everyday life when he or she is brought into contact with events or situations characterized by a certain complexity
  • Is a person who relates to reality using exclusively his direct personal experience as a yardstick
How to Identify a FI:

  • Simplistic Arguments: They often rely on overly simplistic arguments or clichés.
  • Lack of Comprehension: They show a consistent inability to follow the logical flow of the conversation.
  • Misinterpretation: They frequently misinterpret or distort what has been said.

I will not discuss this with someone with Defensive or Victim Behavior. The second check involves observing how the person reacts when their points are challenged. A constructive conversation requires openness to different perspectives and the ability to engage in healthy debate. This defensive posture shuts down meaningful conversations and turns them into confrontational or emotionally charged interactions.

How to Identify:

  • They respond to counterarguments with defensive statements rather than addressing the point.
  • They portray themselves as being unfairly attacked or misunderstood (or they will come up with silly accusations of you attacking them).
  • Their responses are driven more by emotion than reasoned argumentation.

I will not discuss this with someone with a Monologue Tendency. Really nothing to say about this point, a healthy conversation is a two-way street (and don't get me wrong, I'm totally ok if you from time to time interrupt me to specify something or to clear your statements).  But if it becomes a one-sided conversation because someone is inclined to deliver a monologue, leaving little room for the interlocutor to speak, and constantly interrupting or speaking louder to cover the other side's voice, for me it's a big no. This behaviour hampers the exchange of ideas and signals a lack of respect.

Hopefully, we will have all we need to identify and avoid those conversations.

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